her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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