My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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