He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
