you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
