Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
