New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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