I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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