i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
