i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
