i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
