he wants to bone in the snuggie
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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