I seem to have left my pride at pride
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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