Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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