Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
