Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
