My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
