Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
