Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You can't special order awesome
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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