Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
