I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
