The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
being pregnant is like rehab
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
