No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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