About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
