Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Randomize
