My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
