Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just pee around me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
