I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
