saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
