Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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