I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
