i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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