Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
