we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
