I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
