I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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