My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it glows. i had to have it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
