either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
