New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
