he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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