eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
