I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
