I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
