never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
