Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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