Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
