dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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