We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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