I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
