just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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