I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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