These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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