Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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