The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
